So this guy messages me:
Wanna get slammed?
And immediately, I think, hmm real classy charming kind of guy no? But it also kind of makes me upset, perhaps because all he thinks I'm good for is a shag... perhaps I should be flattered that he finds me attractive... and somewhere buried inside it annoys me because I'm this conservative moralistic practically celibate guy who can't just chillax and have some fun. So I feign innocence and reply:
What?
So, I've got a cold at the moment which means time of work and time for self. I've moved into muh own humble abode and am still unpacking shit, my dining table has books and paper strewn all over and muh garage is full. Ugh.
I took the plunge and decide to get a housemate, thankfully, this won't happen for another month or so, I'll have time to get settled.
Work continues to suck, because it is not surgery obviously, but hopefully things will look up.
Some days I wake up and think hey it's all good, but there's other days that I wonder how the hell did I end up here? I'm struggling with the fact that I'm pretty much settled but still on muh own. I guess I didn't expect to be doing this alone.
Okay so i've been lost in the abyss for a little while and a lot has happened in that time, nothing ground breaking, but alot of small things. I'm finally finishing up this medical job, hopefully forever - it's been a huge source of job dissatisfaction occupying my thoughts. Although I'm surgically inclined, I have a couple of gripes with public health and administrators who think of only the dollars they spend on healthcare without consideration of the quality of care provided. I always thought that medical jobs would allow for more patient interaction and thus improved quality of care. False. The fact is the patient load is significantly more than surgical or even specialty medical units. We work in a system that's driven by performance figures. It doesn't matter that the patient receives sub standard care, as long as the patient is out of ED after 4-8 hours and has a bed. It doesn't matter that the patient gets shafted between teams because no one is willing to take ownership of their management. It doesn't matter that the doctors resent coming to work day after day in the system. It doesn't matter that patients care isn't as important as admission/discharge stats.
Walking in to this job, I knew that I was going to have troubles adjusting, I just didn't expect to finish up hating work everyday.
That aside, I found a place to call home, moving in a couple of weeks, possibly looking for a housemate, not sure yet, I'm just not sure I can live with someone else, however, I suspect it could be a good option. That leads to the second problem, finding someone suitable. You see, if i find a guy - I'd have to find someone unattractive, so that there would be no chance of having the carrot in my face all the time. If I find a girl, then she potentially will have str8 guy friends over - which are obviously unavailable to me... Anyway, I have time to sort that out
Boys on the cards? Hmmm, not really... Watch "Love and other disasters". That's me and I'm sure it's a bit of you too. I was crushing on the psychiatry registrar but i suspect he has a fiancee. Then I was crushing on this other Dr at another hospital, but I don't even know if he's pink (there's some public speculation). Ugh, there was one other psych reg at another hospital; now he's pink, but older, and I just don't know how to initiate anything because we don't cross paths all that often - that and I'm not sure if he's taken (the good ones are)... So, in that dept, no luck yet.
What else? Oh. Right. So next year I'm doing a surgical year, thank god!
I'm planning my holiday time, prob back to the states to see muh mates & meet new people. All muh (close) work colleagues are defecting to another hospital... I'm :(, I have to make new fwends ugh.
Right. Sleep time.
Week 3 and I am ready to slash muh wrists.
Medical sucks. Today I had muh first patient die on me; it was expected tho - I'll miss the fluffy hair that grew from his ears. Tomorrow I suspect will be the next.
That aside lifes sailing a smooth course. I'm working my ass off and saving for a house. I think I found something but I gotta hassle the bank about finance.
Got a new trainer on Sunday; he's v. cute and hence pleasant to look at though I catch myself before I just stare. We'll see how that goes; I think I prefer female trainers.
I was pretty wrecked today, I got home and laid down and next thing I know I've fallen asleep for 30mins and drooled on muh pillow. :(
